he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
