please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
