I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
