I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
