omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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