THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
