My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
