I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
