apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize