I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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