i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
