You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
