When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
