i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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