i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You brought string cheese to the strip club
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize