Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
