I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize