i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
