Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
