Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
