now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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