if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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