new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize