I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
