so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
