I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
