I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
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I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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