break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We have so much sex to catch up on
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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