found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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