If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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