My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
