my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
