Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
