You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
