Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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