from now on my penis is your penis
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
