Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
