My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize