I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
