Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
