i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
