I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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