There was a lot of him and a little penis
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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