did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
