Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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