I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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