I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize