I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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