Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
