Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
