I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude i'm inner monologue high
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
