dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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