so that wasnt chicken after all
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
