You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
