why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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