i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
