Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
