I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
