My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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