I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
