my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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