I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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