Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
