Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
